Pursued By Christ, Gary Lawrence

Hello. My name is Gary Lawrence and I am 42 years old. My wife and I own a restaurant and I also do mechanical contracting. I have lived in Arlington, Texas since 1973 and I attended Arlington High School and The University of Texas at Arlington. I enjoy scuba diving and camping. When I was quite young, my mother saw fit to send my older sister and me to Sunday school. It was a Baptist denomination as my mother had been Baptist as a youth, even though she no longer attended. I suppose I was about 10 or 11 at the time and it gave me some basic knowledge of the Lord through stories about Christ which I am very thankful for as they led to a basic belief in God which kept me for Him.

Much time passed and I thought about God on occasion, but my life was one of rebellion. Don't get me wrong, my parents raised me well, tried to restrain me and by the standards of today's youth I was a saint. Good grades, polite and mostly obedient described me well; however I found ways to discreetly indulge in rebellious behavior as often as I could. Soon I was entering college and had even visited some churches by that time, remembering the lessons that kept the Lord within reach. In my mind I believed and knew Christ was my savior but I had no practical experience in my daily walk. On the contrary, the world attracted me a great deal. If Egypt represents the world to us, I was a very contented slave. I gave my heart to the world even though I was one of God's chosen. I was very successful in the world, had many friends, a beautiful girlfriend, a “cool car” and was told by some that they aspired to be “like me”--for a maturing male a great badge of success, but no peace. I had achieved appreciation and admiration so surely I was where I should be happy, or so I thought. So wrong!!! Finally I was brought to a low, low point where I knew I was not in control. Control was very dear to me. That was what gave me my sense of self worth, my reason for being. Without control over my life I was lost. I had always been in control; I couldn't believe that I was not in control. That was where I had to be, at the bottom, for the Lord to gain Me.

I was working my way through college as a manager of the local Burger King, and a Christian studied in the restaurant many evenings. I always made it a point to pass through the dining room and talk to the customers and often, the evenings being slow, I spoke to this person at length. I had never met such a one that had as true a heart for the Lord. On each occasion that we met, the discussion was softly turned to the Lord and my spirit within was refreshed and watered by the living Spirit within this man of God. This person was not your typical “holy roller” that I was very fond of avoiding. He was simply a normal college guy my age with a heart for the Lord and a spirit flowing with living water. As he spoke he imparted life into me and compelled me to set my eyes on the lovely Christ. I was drawn to the life within him by the flicker of life that had been born into me years before. I had times of prayer and the Lord became more real to me though I was reluctant to give up the world. I knew that to follow the Lord would mean I had to leave Egypt as the Israelites had, but I was comfortable and did not want to leave. The turning point was after I had declined numerous invitations to go to a Christian pot-luck dinner (very un-cool for such a “cool” guy as myself). On one occasion this brother asked what I was going to do on my day off. I boldly announced that I was free of commitment and going to do “absolutely nothing” (since I was usually busy and this was my free time to do with as I please). This friend promptly answered with: “Good, you can come to the pot-luck dinner then.” I was trapped! Being polite, and having skirted the many previous invitations with excuses, I felt the need to go. Oh, the sovereign hand of the Lord!

The evening of the dinner I was almost to the meeting place and was having many reservations about attending. I convinced myself, with subliminal help I'm sure, that I had more entertaining things to do and I really did not want to go. I promptly turned my car around and proceeded to drive away when a most unusual sensation came over me. I cannot call it a “speaking” for I heard no audible sound, but the awareness of my spirit was undeniable. I was compelled by a complete peace to turn back around and continue to the meeting! Once I did so I just knew that it was the right thing to do and I was content within to go through with that initial step. I praise the Lord for His guiding hand that brought me to Him! The Christians I met at that meeting were different than I had come to expect religious people to be. They seemed to be enjoying something. The enjoyment of Christ was contrary to the fire and brimstone type of preaching I had come to equate with going to church. The prayer and fellowship was open and free and I was encouraged to participate. This was very different from the condemning, somber lectures I was accustomed to. The more I came to meet with these Christians, the more I realized that their lives were devoted to enjoying Christ every day as a supply instead of visiting a chapel once a week to satisfy a religious demand. The thought of a real relationship with God was attractive to me and soon I also became a practicing Christian applying the available Christ to live by each day, every day--not just “being good” part time

The enjoyment of God was overwhelming initially and it was very easy to throw my whole being into a life connected to Christ's supply. I gave myself completely to the Lord, basking in his grace. After a period of time however, I came to the point in my Christian life where I needed to deal with some things in my life which the Lord had no use for. All of the things that made me important in the world were stumbling blocks in my continuing to go on with God. I had no doubt which direction was right. I just was unwilling to part with some of my old ways and regrettably stopped going to the meetings of the local church. As time passed it became easier to ignore the Lord in my spirit much like an untended campfire dwindels to coals. Fortunately, that which the Lord had gained in me remained in me. Situations perodically arose where discussion turned to God and I was compelled to speak forth that which I knew was truth. As I spoke I was supplied once again with the same Spirit of God I once fed from daily. I had a diamond and mostly kept it covered but when it came to be shown it shined with light! Each time this happened I was reminded of the true Christian life and longed to return but by then I had built a wall isolating me from God. The point remained though, that if anyone were to ask, my answer would be that I knew Christ in my spirit and I knew where other people gathered to experience and enjoy Him in a proper way - in the local churches!

Through life events I was brought to consider Christ again and again. My wife and I discussed our views at length and if I were brought to discuss God with anyone I became impassioned and supplied. Many times I had people mention how much this seemed to mean to me or say, “You have really given this a lot of thought.” It was an odd enigma to know what was right and even have it be so obvious to others how strongly I felt yet be reluctant to follow my heart. Eventually a matter brought me to deal with the Lord concerning something where I had to physically go to the local church meeting place. My plan was to go by when few people were there, yet each time I tried nobody was around and the building was closed. Eventually I went on Sunday morning when I knew someone would be there, planning to accomplish my task and leave without actually talking to anyone. I did not expect to know anyone or be recognized since it had been over 15 years since I had been there! I was met in the parking lot by a brother and invited into the meeting. I felt as if I had been wandering in the wilderness for 40 years and had just found my way home! The peace I encountered was to the depths of my being. A weight of anxiety was lifted and relief and joy replaced it. I cannot express here in words the feeling of life I experienced. The condemnation I expected was non-existant, neither in my spirit nor from the other Christians there. Conversely, I saw a crowd of familiar faces beaming smiles of welcome. Thank you Lord; You brought me home!

I have been back almost a year now and every meeting is rest for a weary traveler. My wife of almost seven years was skeptical of religion, having been turned off by the religious system. She agreed that we needed to seek a place to worship but she planned to sample several and choose the one she liked best. She came to the meetings of the local church in Arlington and has found no need to leave. Under her scrutinizing eye, all she saw was Christians with sincere hearts to live a life for the Lord. I thank the Lord for her; and now I have someone to share my life with in Christ. I am home. Contact me if you wish and I will be happy to fellowship with you! Grace and peace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit!